Collabortive Communication: The Hard Good Bye

The hardest group of people for me to leave behind in life were my cohorts during undergraduate. I worked closely with the small group of ladies (with the exception of the two gentleman) to develop the skills needed to teach in an elementary classroom. We were together every night from 6-8PM. We shared life stories, families, pitfalls, lesson plans, lunches, and stories. 

The picture below is at our final party before graduation. We got together to exchange contact information, eat and hand out awards. Leaving a group like this behind is hard, but that is how we grow and network in life. I imagine the best way to leave a group as close as this is to exchange information and share in the experiences we have had and will have in the future.

Fighting Fair - Conflict Resolution Network

Fighting Fair Guidelines - 

 

DO I WANT TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT?
   Be willing to fix the problem.

CAN I SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE NOT JUST MY OWN POINT OF VIEW?
   Broaden your outlook.

WHAT ARE THE NEEDS AND ANXIETIES OF EVERYONE INVOLVED?
   Write them down.

HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS FAIR?
   Negotiate.

WHAT ARE THE POSSIBILITIES?
   Think up as many solutions as you can. Pick the one that gives everyone more of what they want.

CAN WE WORK IT OUT TOGETHER?
   Treat each other as equals.

WHAT AM I FEELING?
   Am I too emotional?
   Could I - get more facts,
   take time out to calm down,
   tell them how I feel?

WHAT DO I WANT TO CHANGE?
   Be clear. Attack the problem, not the person.

WHAT OPPORTUNITY CAN THIS BRING?
   Work on the positives, not the negatives

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN THEIR SHOES?
   Do they know I understand them?

DO WE NEED A NEUTRAL THIRD PERSON?
   Could this help us to understand each other and create our own solutions?

HOW CAN WE BOTH WIN?
   Work towards solutions where everyone's needs are respected. 

 

This process would be very helpful in mediating between coworkers, students, parents, and superiors.  I know parent conferences in general tend to be heated discussions with a lot of name calling and finger pointing. As a good measure, perhaps all parties should be given this outline to help diffuse and prepare each communicating member for a fair debate.

Who am I as a Communicator?

This week I took three different evaluations to rate my communication in the areas of: communication anxiety, verbal aggressiveness, and listening styles. Then I had my boyfriend of seven years and my mother rate me using the same measures. Not surprisingly all of the ratings fell into the same category. I am an introvert and when I connect with someone it is not done superficially, it is a deep and meaningful connection. (Probably, one of the reasons I have had very few short term relationships!) My boyfriend and my mother know me well.

As for communication anxiety I fell into the moderate level. I hold some anxiety towards individuals and situations.

 For verbal aggressiveness I scored in the moderate category. I can stand up for myself without insulting people. (That doesn't mean I always do!)

My listening style was people oriented, which can be misleading. This doesn't mean that I want to talk to people, it just means I am good at it.